Surgery - a personal account.
Like every intervention in life - especially medical, there are pro’s & cons! Often there is a necessity, in order to save a life or even promote a much better quality of life, but there is often a price to pay, physically & mentally. There is much to consider when you have a choice!
I was always dubious of surgery & how frequently I saw it dished out like “candy” as the most immediate procedure to resolve a muskulo-skeletal condition, often before all other options have been exhausted (e.g. soft tissue therapy and physiotherapy).
As a Soft Tissue Therapist, I truly believe in the human body’s natural ability to heal!
I believe in the power of what I am able to do by assisting the body to heal through physical touch! Aiding the body to unwind, rebalance & realign, without force or friction, but assisting the body to do what it needs with my guiding hands.
But working this way is not a “quick fix”, which in this modern day world means, not everyone is willing to wait and put in some of the work themselves to promote healing e.g. strategic movement, breathwork, meditation, and other lifestyle changes. Therefore medication and surgery to many, seems like their only option for a remedy.
This is a complex topic, in that there are many contributing factors to a structural/joint injury and the inevitable resulting pain, which often leads to a shift in movement patterns & so ensues a domino effect whereby one issue quickly causes another!
Some things can be congenital conditions e.g. Hip Displacia; Osteoarthritis; alternatively, they can be the aftermath of impact eg. a skiing or car accident; or a postural defect, due to sitting for long periods of time in positions that do not serve the body; or, simply overuse of a joint, through repetitive action in a sport, hobby or work.
Regardless of the cause, we have a duty to honour our body’s needs, by providing it the ideal environment to heal.
Everyone deals with injury differently and I do not want to tarnish anyone for how they choose to cope and aids used to recover, so I do not want to cause offence to anyone, as I like to hope anyone would make the best decision for them with the information they have at the time.
We have all (most likely) been in this next situation though (myself included - which is why I’m so passionate about this, because I too have been there and learnt the hard way!)
Have you ever “twisted” your ankle & well, we “don’t have time to rest”, or don’t think it’s “that bad”, so we carry on, but avoid loading weight onto that injured side, overly depending on the other leg therefore & suddenly the opposite knee hurts or even swells up? and/or your back starts to ache more? Because you persist in pushing on at all costs?
One thing I want everyone to know is, your body is always working FOR YOU! It does it’s best at all times to take a path of least resistance, to avoid the pain, it adapts wonderfully, it heals in it’s own beautiful time. But it needs to be given respect & appreciation in that process.
Most often, modern life and external conditionings encourage us to push on through pain, “keep calm & carry on”, “no pain, no gain”, or sometimes due to the living circumstances we find ourselves in e.g. others (pets, children, spouses) are dependant on us, so we do not have a choice but to carry on.
We almost all push our bodies to their limits, we ignore the natural signs & boundaries the body gives us to slow down, adapt & stop the trigger! We often forcefully fight the signs & want to prove to ourselves & others that we are strong, maybe stemming from the evolutionary “survival of the fittest” - who knows! But we’ve all been guilty of it!
The body copes to a point in this environment, until BANG - it stops you in your tracks and now you do not have a choice but to listen!
Let me tell you….I’ve been there! Done that & got the scars to prove it.
I know I’m not alone! But be sure to know it happens for a reason!
A wake up call!
Suddenly you wish you’d paid attention to the signs & given your body the rest & respect it deserves.
I for one was soon to find out how grateful I was that surgery to be an option for me! HOWEVER, there would have been an easier way, if only I’d listened to my body many, many years beforehand!
(Vitality 10km race - London 2018.)
5+ years before my surgery, my body gave me MANY signs that I was doing too much. I thought I was listening, maybe I did for a day, then my habits fought strong enough for me to forget the pain & push on!
My idea of rest back then was 1 day off running but would still walk 20,000 steps.
2 mins of stretching after a 90 minute workout.
One yoga class a week was my “get out of jail free card”!! Does this resonate?
My body couldn’t take anymore and I know the universe seriously tried to intervene and led me to the following circumstances prior to the main event:
- running into the side of a moving taxi on a 5km run, so I hit to the ground and winding myself but otherwise, thankfully relatively unscathed;
- dropping a 50kg atlas stone (strongman-style concrete stone) onto my toe (I’ll leave that one to your imagination - but it wasn’t pretty!)
- opening a humungous iron-wrought door into my toe (I’m really not sure which was worse, both ugly and bloody accidents!) - the last 2 incidents sent me to hospital & had me out of running for 6 weeks each (but I was back to training after 3 weeks of course!)
I pushed beyond my body’s limits, running half marathons weekly on broken toes, I had no respect for myself, I believed I was invincible!
(Broken toe no.1 - I spared you the gory images!)
Regularly I would run 5km+, then do a 60 minute KettleBell Class, followed by a 90 minute Strongwoman class! All after a full day of treating clients!
I was addicted to exercise! I thought I was worthless without it! I was scared to pile on the weight, I needed the endorphins to get through my days! My mind was so “strong”, strong enough to dissociate completely from my body as I just had no love for it!
Looking back, realising this, admitting this, is so deeply saddening! It draws me to tears.
But, as dramatic as it may seem, I am beyond grateful for the lessons I was then about to learn!
All of a sudden it changed. My body screamed “NO MORE!” I knew something wasn’t right, but of course persisted anyway….until….I couldn’t walk longer than 10mins without crying in pain!
My body turned its back on me by this point (or so I thought at the time), now I know it was serving me and making it excruciatingly obvious that I needed help.
My Osteopath sent my directly for MRIs after her consultation - this was now a structural issue, no stretching or glute strengthening would help me!
Sure enough I had a Femoral Acetabular Impingement in my left hip, a severe Labral Tear, with Bursitis. As it turns out, I discovered from the surgeon that this may have been a structural deformity that I most likely had since birth. With my Femoral Head being more of a square shape, rather than round. Literally a square peg trying to fit in a round hole!
It was an inflammatory s*** storm in there!
With the multiple scans confirming that the tear was to the extent that it would need an intervention to remove the Arthritic tissue, reshape the Femoral Head and to stitch up the Labral tear, I really had no choice but surgery, or the potential of living with hugely restricted hip mobility and consistent pain, where I wouldn’t be able to use my body with freedom again! Surgery would give me a chance to continue an active life (but this time with balance & respect to my body!)
(Top left to bottom right - stitching the labral tear and shaving/reshaping the bone of the Femoral Head.)
Surgery it was. I had no idea what to expect. It was keyhole. Can’t be that bad surely?
(2 tiny scars.)
Well I soon found out that the scars were minimal! However, because the external evidence of the surgery were so small, I had no appreciation of actually how invasive the work was!
(A demonstration of how the fascia is impacted in scarring.)
Relying on a pair of crutches for a few weeks and moving at a snails pace, realising that all my usual coping strategies for life were gone…THE EMOTIONS!!!
I felt them all at once!
Anger! Frustration! Feeling weak! Useless! Somethings been taken away from me!
It took a long time for my body to detox from all the drugs - anaesthetic & codeine is NASTY! I barely take a paracetamol so I think my body was in a bit of shock from all the chemicals!
I was suddenly struck with the reality that I wasn’t going to exercise in a long time! I wouldn’t have my body back to full working order for a while! What was I going to do? Facing those demons was my only option.
But looking back, what I struggled to see at the time, was that I would have an upgraded version of my body! A rested version! A body that wanted to unite with me again! My body & brain were about to embark on a beautiful healing journey of reconnection!
I had to FULLY accept my body, the good, bad, ugly, mediocre & accept me as a WHOLE!
It was my mind that was full of the ugly parts I quickly discovered. My body is beautiful in every way! Forgiveness was the key!
I had to forgive myself for what I’d put my body through! It never gave up! Not really. I saw how, in order to break my toxic behaviours, patterns and relationship with my body, this whole experience HAD to happen!
Not only was I in a lot of pain for such a long time, but my periods had also been MIA for over 10 years. I had at the same time experienced Hypothalamic Amenorrhea from over exercising & under-nourishing my body!
The mind needed the most work. Not my body! My body always knew what to do, I just didn’t listen!
Hey presto!…3 weeks post surgery, I had a period!
My body was celebrating! It was grateful for the rest! Finally I had evidence to believe what professional nutritionists & naturopaths had told me for years!
Alas! Life changed. My identity shifted! I adapted. I, as a whole, reunited with me, myself & I! I was honest with myself. I was exhausted! Burnt out completely! I wanted to do nothing. Only once I started to slow down & reconnect I could feel what I needed. I could hear the calls & for the first time…..and I listened!
Physiotherapy lasted 6 weeks with a progressive strengthening program. I was so grateful to find a Physio (Thank you to Adam Goode at Pure Sports Medicine, Canary Wharf) who had experienced the same surgery as me. We had many open & honest conversations about what my future would look like & sure enough, the facing of facts, being that I needed to change to not accelerate any deterioration of my other hip which too had signs of Arthritis, but equally, it’s inevitable that I will have to have a full hip replacement at some stage later in life. So, why not just live the life I want , doing the sports I want - but in a much more strategic way that incorporates lots of rest & less pressure!
So with this mindset, I started to look at movement differently, in a way to nourish my body, not to beat it to a pulp!
I trained in Pilates (Matwork + Reformer) through my recovery which was the KEY to my ability to heal and strengthen without causing damage or pain. I had Soft Tissue Therapy to aid my muscles & scars to heal without excess tensions in the fascia also.
I understood the needs of my body & learned to love moving in a much more fluid and intuitive way.
Now, almost 5 years on, I do a little of a lot of things, including occasional runs, bouldering, long walks, yoga, pilates, weight training & boxing.
I even gained my Level 3 Pilates Matwork qualification with APPI during the first lockdown as I was so impacted by the positive power of Pilates!
Sometimes my hip tells me it’s angry (e.g. sitting cross-legged for too long, walking too far in inappropriate shoes, or not stretching my quad & glute enough) and I now have my toolbox, I know what to do to show it some love. I am able to not exercise for a week and not feel painfully guilty about it.
I have gained some weight, my body shape filled out a bit more, I have my wobbly, emotional moments, this is a long journey and there’s still plenty to go! But I’m okay with it all! I love my life and am grateful for this whole experience.
I am far more connected in so many ways! Spiritually, physically & mentally more aware of my needs & I adapt my plans to suit my energy levels. I no longer push & force my body! Some habits die hard & I have to check in with myself. Forgive myself, learn & move on!
I hope that with this experience I can help many others who have gone, or indeed are going through this same journey. It isn’t easy and talking it through with someone “on the other side” can help no end!
I know for a fact, this experience has made me a far superior Soft Tissue Therapist and has made me realise the connection of body and mind so strongly, the relationship with pain and how to detect a structural issue over a Soft Tissue Injury. It was so unbelievably hard at the time, but I know this whole experience made me a better person in so many ways and furthered my desire to help others!
Life is truly magical! Our body’s are a wonder!
We have one life, one body!
We are learning & evolving all the time!
My views on surgery changed in many respects. Modern medicine has its place! I now know that my issue was a structural default! But, had I have listened to my body from the start, surgery could have been avoided. But I think I made it clear to you that my mind was the issue and my body was baring the brunt of what I was running away from in my mind. I know many are in the same boat, if you have recognised any of my patterns in yourself, please, I urge you, as soon as you are ready to accept you might like some help with this, seek a form of therapy that interests you! You will not regret it.
The body knows how to heal, but we have to give it the ideal environment to do so!
Hands-on physical therapy, breathwork, mindful exercise & psychotherapy are all but a few options to help in your healing journey!
Consider them all, pre-surgery & after equally!